


Just Had To Know

by Runnermin323



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: Darvey - Freeform, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 18:04:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17812832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Runnermin323/pseuds/Runnermin323
Summary: 8x16 Theory





	Just Had To Know

With only the dim light of a table lamp, Donna sat on her living room couch staring into her wine glass. How many times had she been here before? How many times had she sat on this very couch staring into the depths of the reds and purples swirling in her glass wondering how long she would go on like this? 

She reached over and pulled the white chiffon throw over her legs. Despite wearing her favorite thick sweater and leggings, she still felt frozen. Like she was cold from the inside out. She rolled her eyes. How symbolic. Guess she would feel this way for a long time. She knew, without a doubt, that she would always end up alone and cold on this couch as long as she chose Harvey.

And she would always choose Harvey.

She had even chosen Harvey over Thomas. She wanted to love Thomas. She wanted to love him and walk away from the life she had known for nearly 13 years. But despite his charm and gentlemenly ways. Despite the little fires that he sparked in her, he was not Harvey. She would not move mountains for Thomas. She would certainly not go to prison for him. 

But he had awoken something in her that she hadn’t felt in a very long time. Thomas made her want more than just… status quo. She had actually thought she deserved something more than just being the back burner, the forgotten treasured item on the shelf, and the thing they never spoke about. Until Harvey was in trouble. 

This was no longer about choosing the firm’s interests over Thomas’. This was no longer about standing up for herself and choosing her own happiness for once. This was about Harvey. His career. Prison time. His well-being. Hardman came after him with everything he had. And Donna knew. She would truly always choose him. 

So when it was Thomas or Harvey. She closed the door on Thomas for good and she would never look back. She couldn’t. For as much as the possibility was nice to entertain, she would never love anyone the way that she needed to finally walk away. It hurt a little but she knew her heart.

Taking a slow sip, she thought about just going to bed. She had already cried. A good solid cry. But she knew that the tears weren’t even for Thomas or the what-ifs. They were the same old tears. The tears of someone that has loved someone so long with no reciprocation in return. 

As she put the glass down on the coffee table in front of her, she absentmindedly touched her lips. God, even that kiss. The one she couldn't resist in her time of panic. She had to know. He was just mad. She felt everything from the past decade and all he could do was muster anger. She threw the blanket off of her and walked into the kitchen searching for another bottle. She was going to need more wine tonight. Especially to sleep. 

As she placed her glass on counter, she heard a quiet tap on her door. So dull that she almost thought she hadn’t heard anything at all. She walked slowly over to the door expecting to see an empty space through the view of the peephole and instead saw the one person she had never expected to see tonight. 

No. There was no way he’d come tonight. They were both too vulnerable. Too much to say. She brushed her hair out of her face and smoothed her sweater. Slowly and very hesitantly she opened the door. 

He stood for a moment. Staring. But his eyes were different tonight. There was something different. 

“Hi.”

“Harvey, are you okay?”

He looked down at his feet. Well, things don’t change that much. She sighed, without meaning to and looked down as well. Out of defeat.

“Thank you.”

Her eyes darted up. Meeting his, she saw that his eyes were full of things that she had seen throughout the years but not all at once. Vulnerability. Sadness. Relief. Hope. His eyebrow slowly raised. 

“You’re welcome, Harvey. But, you’ve done the same for me.” She laughed lightly, “Many times.”

His mouth raised on one side. A half smile. He put his hands nervously in his pocket. He was lingering. Did he want to come in?

“I’m sorry about Thomas.”

Her breath caught. She didn’t expect him to actually bring him up tonight. 

“It’s fine, Harvey. Let’s take the weekend and everything will be same as usual Monday morning.” 

She was really trying to lay it on thick here. Everything was fine. She wasn’t sad. She wasn’t longing for him to finally say something after all these years. 

His eyes back down to his feet; he shifted uncomfortably and kept his hands in his pocket.

“I don’t really want things to go as usual, Donna.” 

His eyes met hers and her breath caught in her throat. His eyes were soft and watery? What was he holding back? Was he finally telling her more? 

“Wha...what do you mean?” 

He took his hands out of his pocket and gestured into the apartment. 

“Can I come in?” 

She stepped aside, without even thinking. She didn’t even hesitate to think this through. Harvey was asking to come inside her place to talk and she didn’t even pause. It was frustrating how much she caved to him. It must have shown on her face.

“If you’re busy or tired…”

“No, Harvey. It’s fine. Do you want a drink?”

She walked back over to the kitchen. She looked back and watched as his eyes searched around the apartment. Signs of Thomas? She rolled her eyes. It’s hard to acquire mounds of belongings from someone else when they’ve barely stepped into your life. She held up a wine glass to pull him out of his trance. 

“Do you have anything a little stronger?” 

She smirked. Liquid courage? What was he doing here anyway? She pulled out a glass from a cabinet and poured him a drink. And then poured herself one, too. If he was here in her apartment wanting to talk, to thank her, and to apologize for Thomas, she was going to need this. 

She motioned for him to sit down on the couch. He picked up the throw she had pushed off of her earlier and placed it in his lap as he sat down. She handed him the drink and as she sat down a safe distance away from him, he handed over the blanket to her. A barrier. She casually draped it across her lap. 

“Why are you here, Harvey?”

He took a sip. And then another refusing to look at her. 

She tapped her finger quietly on her glass and looked around. Thirteen years and he still couldn’t manage to put anything into words. 

“I’m glad you’re okay, Harvey. This was a close one.” 

He sighed. A very heavy convoluted sigh. 

“I’m okay, Donna, because of you. I’m always okay because of you.” He finally snuck a glance at her but returned down to his glass. 

As he stared into the amber liquid, he continued, “You have always been the one to save me. My mom. My brother. You've put me back together.” His voice caught. 

Donna’s eyes softened and she sat up a little contemplating whether she should slide closer to him but thought better of it. He was opening up to her and she didn’t want to do anything to pull him out of this sudden change of heart.

“Well, Harvey, you’ve always been the one to save me. You’ve pulled me out of plenty of messes.”

“Messes that you only made to protect me or Mike or anyone in the firm. You’re so loyal. You’d do anything for any one of us.”

Without thinking she blurt out, “Just you, Harvey. I’d only do anything for you.”

She immediately regret it. Though, it felt good to actually say it but she stared at the couch waiting for him to get up and leave. Too much. It was too much all at once. Instead, he sat up straighter. 

“I know.” 

He didn’t leave. She looked up at him and met his eyes. He looked at her face. Her hair. He clasped his hands together and looked to his feet again.

“I have a question for you.”

She pulled the blanket around her nervous about what he would ask.

“You can ask me anything, Harvey. I think after today you know I’ll be honest.”

He looked up cowardly. 

“Did you really not feel anything?”

She almost gasped. He really thought she was telling the truth all this time? 

“Harvey, do you honestly think that I told you the truth?”

“I don’t know, Donna. You were pretty angry with me for suggesting otherwise.”

She didn’t mean to raise her voice but this was too many years of suppressed feelings and energy, “No, Harvey. You were angry with me. You were angry with me for ruining what you had with Paula. And I thought that if I told you the truth you would have…” She stopped herself.

He turned toward her. Eyebrows raised.

“You thought what?”

She searched her brain. What was she afraid of?

“I don’t know, Harvey. I thought that if you believed that I… had more feelings for you than I was supposed to or that you allowed me to that you would fire me, leave me.. That we’d lose what we had.”

He searched her face. 

“We’ve both been too afraid to lose this, Donna.”

She nodded. For what felt like a long time, they simply stared. Questioning. Longing. Making calculated decisions about what came next.

“Donna, I was mad at you because you broke the silence. We’ve both been living in silence for years.”

“Silence?”

“Everything that we wouldn’t say. All the years of quiet.”

She stood up and threw the blanket off of her. Infuriated.

“Well, Harvey. I wonder why things have been that way?” She watched his eyes change.

He sat up straighter. His guard creeping back up through his body. 

“Donna...”

“I kissed you, Harvey. I almost went to prison for you. I told you that I loved you and you told me that you loved me, too, but you know, not like that.” 

He sighed.

“We’ve both held back, Donna.”

“No, Harvey. You’ve controlled the dynamics of this relationship for 13 years.”

He stood up. Clearly, it was too much for him. She walked straight to the door to let him out. But when she went to open the door, he gently placed his hand on hers. She looked up at him and into longing eyes. 

“You’re right. I didn’t let you in when you’ve been the only one I had wanted to all this time.”

Her eyes started to fill and she couldn’t control it. 

“Harvey…”

“You are the one. It’s always been you. I was just so afraid…”

“Harvey…”

“I was so afraid to lose you.” 

The tears were pouring onto her cheek. 

“Harvey, I felt everything. When I kissed you. It was… everything.”

He reached out and gently held her face wiping away the tears with his thumbs.

“For me, too. Why do you think I was so mad? You made me feel it. You always do.”

And standing in the hallway of her apartment in the dim light of a table lamp, Harvey held her face gently and just had to know.


End file.
